Today in our birth boot camp class we learned a lot about c-sections and various complications that can occur during labor. It was a very emotionally trying class, for me at least.
We got to watch a generic home c-section video filmed by the father to be. It was slightly traumatic for me to watch and took everything I had in me to not start bawling! To see how the doctors manhandled the baby, stuck a suctioning tube down the crying babies nose and throat repeatedly, then hold the baby over the curtain, "say hi mom", then whisked away to do standard checks and even more suctioning while the newborn cried and tried to push hands away...ugh it was terrible! Like one of those horror movies where you have the urge to yell, "Don't open the door!" Or "Dont go in there!" Only I wanted to yell, "Leave that damn baby alone!"
It made me realize I dont fear an epidural, I truly fear a c-section. I have had 3 separate procedures where I have woken up in the middle of, and 2 procedures where local anesthesia has worn off, or just never kicked in. Maybe that's one subconscious reason I don't care about the epidural, because I figure it won't work anyway.
I want to hold my baby and breastfeed after delivery. I want the cord to stay attached until it stops pumping. I want to endure/experience natural labor because I know my body can handle it.
Today's class made me realize my true fear of labor, but was very empowering at the same time. Either way, I know God has already determined my birth plan and the story of Coralines delivery, and I need to have faith that regardless of how she is born, the ultimate goal is a healthy baby.
"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the lord." Isaiah 66:9