To Be Or Not To Be....That Is A Very Good Question.

Please be mindful of any comments you decide to leave, it took a lot to post this and open up.

The random quotes are quotes I have found and love. All can be found here: Pinterest: Words of Wisdom

As most of you know, I am pregnant! Henry and I are learned we are expecting our first child just a few short months following our wedding we planned for 2 1/2 years.

During our wedding planning process I learned a lot about myself, Henry, our personal styles and who in our life was really willing to go the extra mile, and who just wanted to be present when there was a crowd to save-face. 

I had friends and family willing to do whatever they could whether they lived down the street or hours away. People driving hours to be there for me just for a day, people skyping with me to see what they could do to help and people doing something as simple as texting me and asking if I was ok. Wedding planning was stressful people! LOL I definitely learned, no matter how much time you have, something will go wrong. It's inevitable. You just have to grit your teeth and laugh it off. 

Then there were other friends and family members that claimed they would do this or that, wanted to help this way or that way, but when it came down to it, they were no where to be found. BUT the day of the wedding they were there showing their pearly whites and acting like they had been there for me the entire process. 

Now that I am pregnant I find some of the same people, doing the same thing. 

To be or not to be a part of my life, that is the question. 

How many chances do you give someone?

 How long do you go on pretending you don't care? 

How long do you pretend their snide comments don't bother you?

How long do you allow them to pretend to the world they are your best "friend" and would do anything for you, when in fact behind closed doors they do nothing?

Going to college was a real eye-opener for me. I got to meet a lot of new people, and see how other people lived their lives. How different relationships functioned. I learned that some of the relationships I had thought were normal, were actually extremely dysfunctional, such as my boyfriend of 5 years at the time. Holy Guacamole was that the most dysfunctional relationship ever, but before going to college, I thought it was the bees-knees. Sad really.

Talking with my amazing sister-in-law today at lunch made me realize a lot. I love her much like my own little sister because both ladies are real. They don't pretend to be someone they are not. They are honest, truthful even when the truth hurts, real, smart, funny, dependable and so much more than a girl could dream of asking for from two women. I know I can talk to either girl, tell them the truth, even when it may be negative towards them and they listen with open ears and hearts. I don't ever have to feel like I am walking on glass when talking to them and same for them with me. The only other girls in my life that are this way would be my best friends Danni, Taylor and Riki. Another great thing about all these ladies and we all know, you don't say something behind someones back if you would be ashamed if they found out, or wouldn't say it to their face. It's a way a lot of women should be, but sadly in our society a lot of women gossip and honestly don't know how to be REAL.

I realized I am exerting a lot of wonderful energy on things that don't deserve energy at all. I am pregnant for petes sake and could be using all this productive energy on the future nursery, shopping, scrapbooking, re-organzing my craft room, taking day trips, surprising the Hubby with a new garage work-station, and oh, did I mention shopping? I am GREAT at shopping. HA! 

There are always going to be people in your life who love you and tolerate you through good and bad. 

Kind of like wedding vows. 

People who not only expect respect, but give it to.

No one is perfect.

People fuck up. Pardon my french.

At the end of the day it is up to you who you allow in your life. 

You choose who to give your time and energy too.

No one can force you to do anything you truly don't want to do.

"Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strong relationship." Margaret Mead

Apologies

So my family has been in a sort of awkward stage I guess you could say, ever since we announced Baby J was going to be joining us.

Henry's family has been phenomenal during this whole thing and supportive beyond imagination. Their joy makes my heart smile.

My family though, is another story.

My whole family is technically excited, except my Dad. Up until the announcement my Dad made comment after comment how he was to "too young to be a grandpa" and how we needed "to wait to have kids" if anyone mentioned Henry and I having kids. Not in a joking manner either. 

Now I am 25 years old, I'm not a teenager. I have graduated college, my hubby and I have lived in a lovely home we bought over 2 years ago, and my husband has a successful business that provides us with a life most 25 year olds do not have the luxury of living. We are truly blessed.

My dad was 21 when he had me, so yes he is young, but I am not. Well, yes I am young, but my eggs are getting old. Lol Get it?

When we announced to our close relatives on Christmas Eve that we were having a baby there was a lot of excitement and tears of joy. Except my Dad. My aunt posted a picture of my Mom, Dad and Sister sitting with their shirts and my Dad looked as if he was ready to slit someone's throat. I text her to ask her to remove the photos because looking at them just made me boil with anger over what should have been a joyous occasion. Given we had an ugly fight weeks before the announcement and hadn't spoken since, but he was fighting with EVERYONE in my family, not just me. I guess it was his "period". I figured the announcement would have been a way to break the ice and move forward, but he chose to continue the bitterness and inflame the situation.

Later that evening we went to my parents house to open gifts, my Dad refused to come upstairs and open gifts with us. He actually started screaming and yelling at my Mom downstairs when she kept asking him to come join us. Finally, she gave up and came upstairs to join us alone as we heard my parents bedroom door slam shut.

I tried so hard to fight back tears of disappointment. I mean really!?!? This isn't about you! This is about us! Could he not FAKE a smile?? I guess I should've known that he was too selfish to think of anyone other than himself and his vanity.

Growing up both my parents have always demanded we apologize for anything and everything, even when I truly felt they were the ones who should've done the apologizing (my mom would apologize, but my Dad has never ONCE apologized). But it was always "You need to say sorry or else." "You need to be the bigger person and apologize." "You better apologize or we won't pay for you to go back to college." "You better apologize or have a nice life." And the list goes on with numerous texts and e-mails I still have as proof. But now that it's his turn to apologize do I get one? Nope.

My Mom has tried unsuccessfully justifying his reaction with things such as, "He would've preferred if you would've told him in private and not in front of others."Ok one, I don't care what he preferred. It was our news to share the way we wished. There were only two other aunts, two other uncles, 2 foster kids and 4 cousins present. All are very close family members. Plus, I live 5 hours away and wanted a way to include everyone. It's not like it was a huge party. But even then, what's his reasoning for being such a jerk after we got home and not even wishing us a safe trip home???

Needless to say, I am tired of always being the bigger person. I am tired of certain family members talking crap about him then having the audacity to tell me to get over this.  I've always HAD to apologize. No matter what. Now it's my turn to demand an apology, and rightfully so. That is a moment he can never take back or re-do. I'm tired of him walking all over everyone and treating them how he chooses with no consequences, but now that he has nothing to hold over my head "it's my way or the highway". 

Alana XoXo

12 WEEKS

How far along? 12 Weeks

Total weight gain? I have an appointment on Monday the 25th where they will most definitely weigh me. I am betting I have gained more than I probably should. Oopsie. :-)

Maternity Clothes? Still rocking the loose blouses and tanks. Trying to hold out on purchasing actual maternity clothes. 

Stretch Marks? Nada

Sleep: Still having the sharp pains waking me up at night, except starting Thursday. I actually had semi-sound sleep Thursday, excluding one middle of the night potty break.

Best moment this week: Getting rid of the bloating! Whoop! And deciding on a baby room theme. <3

Miss Anything? Alcohol. Again, don't judge people.

Movement: No movements. We can't wait for them to start though!

Food cravings: Red Lobster cheesy biscuits. Oh yummy! Oh and mustard. I HATED mustard prior to pregnancy, and now I am craving it. It is mind-boggling to me how much pregnancy changes things, especially taste-buds. If men thought women were confusing before, pregnancy is a whole'nother curve-ball.

Anything making you queasy or sick: No queasiness this week. Yea buddy!!

Gender Prediction: Baby Girl.

Labor Signs: Too soon

Symptoms: I haven't had any actual "symptoms" this week. Other than the typical face not figuring out if it wants to be oily or not problem, and random cravings. BUT, I had a breakthrough on my face dilemma. I had a small amount of Mac mineral powder left over and mineralized water moisturizer, and thought screw it, I will try it. My face actually took to the make-up and stuck! I went to dinner feeling pretty for the first time in a few weeks and not like my face was going to melt off. It was even extremely humid at dinner and we ate outside. When we got back to our hotel room, make-up was still flawless. Bingo baby! Oh and my bloating dilemma...I finally called the doctor after standing up doing the dishes and feeling as if someone took a knife, stabbed me in my back at a downward angle and was slowing twisting the knife for a good 5 minutes. It was a paralyzing pain that sent me into tears. Turns out my tummy medicine for my gastroparesis that I had stopped taking is ok to take during pregnancy AND something they prescribe for bloating/gastric reflux. I had overly stuffed myself at Red Lobster, came home, took my tummy medicine and was almost immediately better. I had a whole nights sleep without sharp pains and no bloating or queasiness since. LOVE!

Belly Button in or out? Innie

Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy Happy!! 

Looking forward to: Getting an actual baby bump, decorating the nursery, finding out the gender (6 more weeks!!!), and feeling Baby J move!

Baby Names? Still have to be Henry the 3rd for a boy. Then baby girl is getting more variety: Claire, Adaleine, Annabelle, Adalena <3

Thoughts: I figured I would add this for adding random thoughts that occur during the week. Now I am opening myself to honesty here, so please be mindful of any replies. I am slightly annoyed at all the people "raining" on my gender team parade. I love when people say whether they are "Team Boy" or "Team Girl"! It's exciting to see people get excited over such a special time in our lives with us. What annoys me is when people kind of make snippy remarks or just say, "How about just a healthy baby?" "All I care about is if they are healthy." As if by saying Team boy or girl means we don't want a healthy baby.  Really?? I have never heard anyone say, "I hope it's a boy with down syndrome." OF COURSE I WANT A HEALTHY BABY! That is a given. So when I, or anyone else for that matter, states what team they are on, don't throw the healthy baby remark out there. Everyone wants to have a healthy baby. Let us enjoy Team Blue or Pink gosh darnit!

11 WEEKS

How far along? 11 Weeks

Total weight gain? Still don't know yet. My next doctors appointment is week 13! <3

Maternity Clothes? I finally ordered a Maxi dress to cater to the future growing belly. I am still wearing my regular clothes now, although I have opted for more flowy blouses and tanks to hide the slight beer baby bulge. 

Stretch Marks? Still in the clear. 

Sleep: Well this has been affected by my newest "symptom". Sharp lower abdominal pains. They are so painful they wake me up at night. There were a few nights I laid in bed for hours kind of rocking in pain. 

Best moment this week: Eating CRAWFISH! 

Miss Anything? Alcohol. Holy crap do I miss alcohol. I was not a HUGE drinker pre-baby, but I did enjoy my Sangria and glasses of wine. Oh and mojitos.

Movement: No movements.

Food cravings: I was at dinner with the hubby the other night and the bar area walked in with a case of rum...Let's just say I had the craziest urge to want to grab that box of rum and run! It was an awful, torturous craving. Don't judge.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I was actually able to eat a burger this week, but onions still top the list for no eating.

Gender Prediction: Girl. Girl. Girl. Now I am team boy, but don't get me wrong, I have reasons I love both. I just really want a little momma's boy. 

Labor Signs: Too soon

Symptoms: All day sickness is still lingering, which doesn't make the lower abdominal pain any better, topped with the bloating. Oh and my face can't decide if it wants to be an oil slick or desert. Either way, my forehead has begun to breakout - my forehead has never been broken out in my life. I was the one or two big pimple kind of girl, never over-all little bumps. My forehead is embarassing. To top it off, all of my wonderful make-up won't stick. Primer won't help, I've tried multiple brands, translucent powder doesn't help, nothing. I've done facials, microderms, different face washes, toners, moisturizers....I spent over $200 on NEW make-up to try and see if another brand or formula would work. Nope. Now I have tons of Clinique, Revlon, Smashbox, Pur, BareMinerals, Urban Decay, etc. makeup I can't wear. At least not until my skin figures out what it wants to do. I feel like I am in some awkward ugly duckling growing phase. HA!

Belly Button in or out? Innie

Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy most of the time, other than when it comes to getting ready in the morning. That depresses me.

Looking forward to: Getting an actual baby bump and decorating the nursery.

Baby Names? Still have to be Henry the 3rd. Then baby girl is still leaning toward Claire or Adaleine, but started liking Annabelle too. <3